I don't really know what to write anymore. I'll probably do a real update later in the week. It'll mostly be about school and whatnot. I only really did this blog because you read it. So if you still want to, I guess I'll keep updating it.

I still want to be friends. Really badly.

Version 4.0

Here we go...

My thought exactly Britney

2:27AM

I'm completely dead on the inside...and I love it!

Untitled

Know that I care. My thoughts drift toward you with no warning.
As a sail boat floats peacefully across summer seas, know that I am drifting towards you.
Feelings hidden behind years of protective layering must be discovered like ocean treasures buried beneath endless years of sand and myth.
Know that I am a dreamer, seeking comfort in my dreams. I silently seek solace in thoughts of you.
Ninety-five miles, five years of living experience and previous commitments separate us physically. Yet, dreams and desires are shared.
Each of us gives to the other, to the extent we feel we are capable
Secretly aware of the knowledge that even as I write a void is being created that neither one of us will be able to fill.

a thought

Isn't it funny from day to day
How things change and people go their
separate ways?

Isn't it funny and kind of sad too
How clouds are never too far behind
a sky of blue?

Isn't it funny my friend dear
How we learn the things
we fear?

Isn't it funny on a cold winter day
How we long for a warmer one
in May?

Isn't it funny how dandelions in spring
Makes one think of the weeds
they bring?

Isn't it funny how leaves in fall
Bring on thoughts of rakes
and walls?

Isn't it funny how reds, greens, and browns
Lift one's spirits up
from down?

And isn't it funny how what we proclaim
we need
reflects on us the life
we lead?

This is a very close second

This is one of my favorite pictues of me of all time

Life is a Double Edged Dildo

One of the few things that I like about my job is that I happen to work with some cool people. I’m using the term “cool” to actually encompass several different things but on the whole they are all interesting enough to capture my attention. There’s this one girl that works in Pet Care, let’s call her “Betty”. Well Betty is a good old country girl from Hereford. She also works on a farm and wore a camouflage dress to her prom. Well Betty has a boyfriend let’s call him “Bobby”. Anyways, Betty and Bobby are just too cute. For real they’re like some country-western version of Britney and Justin circa 2001. Betty and Bobby love to drive their trucks and go hunting and any other kind of stereotypical activities that you could think of. They are completely and utterly predictable in every way except for one. Betty always likes to talk to me about her sex life. For some reason she thinks that since I’m gay I know everything there is to know about fucking. We’ve had several conversations about it and it’s always hilarious because she and Bobby are into some seriously kinky shit. Apparently Bobby really likes to be fucked in the ass. Seriously, Betty has shown me text messages and I quote “Hey baby, how are the new tires working out for you? BTW are you excited to fuck me in the ass tonight?”…take a breath dear reader. So A couple weeks ago I’m talking to Betty at work and she tells me that later that night she and Bobby will be using her brand new just purchased doubled sided dildo. One end in him and the other in her. Now if that isn’t intimacy than I don’t know what is. Don’t get me wrong I’m not judging. As someone who is very familiar with butt fuckery I’m totes mcscrotes excited when straights decided to shove things up their asses. However, this kinky conversation got me thinking about the new year. I really want to broaden my horizons and try new things. I really think that 2012 is going to be my year. The moral of this story is that you should be open to new experiences, you never know what you might end up liking.

Saturday Night Cleaver

I ran 3 miles today...straight like without walking. It felt incredible. But now it's Saturday night and once again I'm all by my lonesome. Due to some shit at work I don't want to spend too much money. I might watch the movie Freda tonight for my art class...or I might walk into traffic. Not sure how I'm feeling yet : )!

Diet Snapple

Okay so this art appreciation class is killing me. KILLLING ME! The main issues is that since I've taken so many art history classes I already know a lot about the things we're seeing so I'm just uber bored the whole time. I actually passed all of my classes and didn't get below a B- so huzzah for me! I need to start doing things this blog is really boring. Sam came over on Sunday night and I think we had a great time. We had some herbal refreshment and watched the Kardashians and I can't think of a better way to spend a Sunday night. I'm excited for spring semester to start now that I know I passed fall semester. New Years was really low key. I hung out with Martina and we both fell asleep before midnight. Yikes.

Tomorrow is only a day away

It begins tomorrow...

Day 22

Today was a little interesting. I got 2 cards, one from my mom and one from Dr. Ronnie which was an unexpected but pleasant surprise. I have an appointment with her next Tuesday. Bree's "fare thee well" was today. It sucks that she's leaving but I'll be getting out imminently so maybe we'll meet up. I had to read my social which was a little nerve wracking but it was actually quick and painless. The only thing I have left to do is my first step and some post-treatment stuff. So the new kid Travis is the talk of the treatment center. He wrote a rap for Jess and everyone is making fun of him. I feel bad and feel like I should give him a heads up but I still talk shit to his face like everyone else.(ED: so this was another section that I had to remove. It's just too personal and intimate to share here. If you care that much feel free to ask me and I'll tell you all about it.)

Day 21

The end is so close yet so far! Today was Sunday which means "Family Education and Visitation" day. My mom came which was really nice. We had a good time talking about hanging out. Taylor left so I have the room all to myself for a little while. That kid Travis is so ridiculous, I can't even. He's like a walking punchline (and for some reason unbeknownst to anyone else he shaves his eyebrows). Maribeth flew the coop with her huge boyfriend (ED: According to Maribeth he had Woody the Woodpecker tattooed right about his cock...classy). Who knows if she'll stay clean. I seriously cannot wait to get. Nothing else happened today. Oh, I've been replaced at Bill Kidd's so at least I don't have to worry about that.

Day 20

Today was without a doubt one of the longest days ever here, but, then again Saturday's are typically the worst days. We had a really lame art therapy group today. We had to draw animals that represented ourselves and the 4 quadrants (North, South, East, and West) and it was just a total downgrade. Then after lunch we had another incredibly long group about the 4 agreements (ED: I just want to interject for a moment. Sometimes the bullshit they would make us do truly makes no sense. Why they though a bunch of drunks, junkies, and lowlifes would want to do this stuff is crazy. But, I guess that's the point.), it's from the Mayans or something. I got to speak to Lindsay, I can't wait to see her. Apparently Jack and Kevin called her to find out where I was and Jen had been calling Jack for the same reason. Taylor and I got out asses handed to us in spades twice by Bree and Derrick. I watched the second half of "The Shawshank Redemption" which was fun because it's one of the best movies ever. My mom is coming tomorrow for family education. She's going to alanon meetings which is exciting because she's trying to understand all this. Taylor leaves tomorrow and I sincerely hope I don't get a new roommate. I probably will so hopefully he's young, hot, and confused at the least.

Day 19

T.G.I.F. bitches! It snowed a little bit so we didn't get to go to an outside meeting. We played Wii and watched "Freedom Writers". As we all know it's not my kind of movie what with Hilary Swank helping inner city kids reach their potential and all. It's my dad's birthday today, he turned the big 54. I got to call him around noon to wish him a happy birthday. He said that he and mom were having shrimp and watching "Couples Retreat" which actually sounds pretty nice right now. We had our usual meetings and got a new kid named Travis. He got kicked out earlier for stealing people's stuff (he's in my room right now talking about hand grenades...not the drink but actual fucking grenades...right). That's about it only a weekish left.

Day 18

I will stay sober, I will stay sober, I will stay sober! Sorry, had to get that out of my system. So today was alright. My dad called to get my drivers license number for my permanent tags. This means my car is officially good to go. Chris's "fare thee well" was today. I hope he stays clean because he is a cool kid. I think I'm getting the cold that's been going around which isn't cool, it's like being back in the dorms. Keenan is apparently married...to a woman, color me surprised. He doesn't wear a ring so me thinks he's hiding something (in the closet perhaps?). Oh, he bought me candy...

Day 17

Today dragged on and I'm super tired. It was pretty normal day. I got a card and a letter from Lindsay which cheered me up. I miss her so much I can't wait to see her and hangout. I cannot drink when I get out of here at all. The reason I mention this is because apparently the entire Florida crew has relapsed and I'm kind of scared. I need to take this seriously and stay sober. I want all my dreams to come true and they won't if I'm drinking. It's officially time to grow up the fuck up. I need to move on and get my life started. Week 3 is winding down and I'm homesick. Oh and someone may have died in my room (#7). The new gay guy Keenan (surprisingly not black) is creeping on me. He has 2 kids...good night.